Tuesday, 10 April 2018


Been having a weird ass time - but isn't everyone?

I got some disposables developed from around mid-Feb to mid-April, which is really exciting as I don't normally do this. I know it's sometimes hit-and-miss with disposables, but all of these turned out amazingly (probably because I used the flash every time). I definitely want to use them more often but because they are expensive to develop I'll treat myself from time to time instead of going crazy and buying several at once. 

To be honest, the time period that these photos came from was a really good time. For friends, going out, spending money, laughter, love. 

These ones were from my friend Lucy's party in February. Such a good night. Party disposables are literally the best because the atmosphere is always hype, manic and loud, yet these photographs manage to capture a second when things were still. It stops time! 

Some dear friends after I watched them perform in a show!

 Decided to start taking photos around my home in London, for memories sake.

Over 60 Universities (lecturers and other staff) in the UK went on strike through out March against pension cuts from Universities UK. It was  tough 3 weeks without lectures and seminars but I survived lol. And I'm in support of the strike as well, and there is talk that lecturers will pursue further strikes in the near-future, but I just hope that things will get resolved and they get what they want.

On new note, I have been trying to meditate every day, either morning or night. The purpose of doing this hasn't actually become clear to me yet, but I have a feeling it will reveal itself in due course. After every meditation (ranging from like 10-30 minutes) I try and journal something, starting it off positively by listing all the things I am grateful for at the time of writing for example. Over the past two days that hasn't been possible because I have suddenly been struck by extreme stress. I did come up with an affirmation though: Stop living in anticipation.

I realised a lot of my stress was coming from panicking about things that were looming over from the future. I wrote in my journal: "Just live your fucking life, take things one step at a time. You can't fucking juggle in real life so why try and juggle mentally? ONE AT A MOTHERFUCKING TIME. (excuse my French I was clearly feeling very passionate at the time). I refuse to drown my heart in negativity for shit that has happened, or even worse, shit that hasn't even happened. Why? Why can't I just direct all of my energy into making my life easier in the present moment? Studying, reading and writing because I know it will better me? Not binge watching shows and listening to music because it's accessible, it's fun, it's easy, it treats my soul faster than making notes for a presentation would..."

That was on the 7th when I was feeling pumped and ready to implement this new affirmation into my life. Then the 8th came and I decided to Align my intentions with my actions. I wanted to drop into the present moment and witness why I'm here, what my purpose is and how I need to be fulfilling it. That was all well and good until I was suddenly plagued by Sunday-night blues and a kind of stress and anger that I hadn't experienced in a long, long while. I also relapsed that night, but I won't go into that. Just wanted to get it out there. (I even wrote a piece about it but I don't know if I want to share it just yet). 

It was weird how I went from feeling balanced and acknowledging how much I've grown to literally being thrown back into a state of mind that I managed to steer clear from for at least a year. It was sad, I was embarrassed and disappointed, but that's LIFE :/
(some quick feels from Tumblr):

I always repeat to myself that the universe has a way of working things out and that I just need to trust that. Life is not perfect or smooth-sailing, sometimes we will fall and other times we fly. (woOW that was cheesy).

ON A LAST NOTE, Kali Uchis' debut album dropped on the 6th of April and I kid you not it is all I have been listening to over the last four days. It is gorgeous. I still think back to that post I wrote about her in 2015 when she was just emerging and releasing mixtapes and projects, and witnessing her growth over the years has been so dope. I love her so much. My personal favourites from the album are Body Language, Miami, Flight 22, Your Teeth In My Neck, In My Dreams, Tomorrow, and Killer. Defo check it out on Spotify if you can! <3

ALSO ALSO ALSO. If you haven't watched 'The Money Heist' (La Casa de Papel) on Netflix then email me your paypal details because I will PAY YOU to watch this show. It's in Spanish and probably the best, most heart-racing, heart-wrenching show I have watched in a long long time. It will have you on the edge of your seat, crying and screaming SIMULTANEOUSLY. Trust me when I say that this is EVERYTHING you want from a show. *starts crying because all the feels are coming back after I basically finished season two in one day*

I hope everyone is slaying life at the moment tbh. It's so ironic that my musing for this month was "no more tears" and crying has pretty much taken up 30% of my time in April, and it's only the 10th. lol. Nevertheless, I have 20 more days for it to ring true. 

Remember to inhale, exhale and remember your power. ~peace out~ and see you in the next post!
Zoe xo