Wednesday, 21 November 2018

fragments // nostalgia

Ugh, blogger. I'll always love you. 

I wish I had the motivation to blog consistently, or had interesting things to say that could actually make people want to read what I write. Working on it. Also working on manifesting my November musing for this month:

I've been feeling a mix of emptiness, happiness, 'nothingness'. The recent weeks have sort of blurred into one and I occasionally feel myself slipping in and out of focus. But I'm doing okay! Amidst the blurriness I am slowly being pumped with enthusiasm for life. Feeling passionate, annoyed, stressed, busy, curious, ready. (I lowkey think I may be losing my eye-sight even though I know I can see fine. I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and have to squint to see everything. I fear for that day. I'm trying to stare less at screens but here I am writing a blog post at 10pm. Gonna head to bed). I always have to zoom in the page when I'm writing something, out of comfort. But what if that means I'm gradually being kicked out of the 20/20 gang? I don't want to leave! I beg.

Anyway. During the summer, I got an email from Polyvore (BIG shout out if any of you reading this used it as religiously as I did) saying that they were closing down and if you wanted to save your old sets (sets were the visual collages of different items of clothing/accessories you could make and actually buy as a whole outfit from loads of online stores), then you can download them and still have access to them. While I hadn't used Polyvore for at least four years, I knew I had to save my old sets. A wave of nostalgia came over me and I suddenly felt possessive of what I had created, despite neglecting it for so long. Here are a few of my favourite sets that I managed to save! Some of them I would legit still wear. I should really take past-Zoe's fashion advice.


My style (or aspired style shall I say, because let's be real I could not afford these outfits!) was very indie/hipster. High-waisted shorts and classic trainers, smart docs or boots and vintage satchels. It was all such a VIBE. What's your fave look out of these? Or are they not your style at all? 

I've been feeling super nostalgic recently. Looking through my old Tumblr archives (often not the best idea lol) and stumbling across the ultimate gems! When I was around 11 or 12, I was religiously writing a teen-fiction story. I wanted to get it published, ha! It was about this rich but humble girl called Chelsea who had moved to a new town with her family and started a new school. She met a girl called Olivia and they became best friends. Olivia also has a twin brother called Nick, the popular guy in their year group who is also dating the post popular girl, Stacey. Nick's best friend was a cute and kinda lame guy called Daniel, and him and Chelsea fall in love and date. Nick gets kinda jealous because Chelsea is the new hot thang who essentially stirs things up, and ultimately there's this huge love triangle forming. Loads of stuff happen including several break-ups, unrequited feelings and even a pregnancy. What was I doing writing about all that stuff at that age? I find it so hilarious. But reading teen-fiction was literally my life. I would read two or three books a WEEK. It was addictive. I miss the excitement, the juiciness, the drama. 

Malorie Blackman is definitely partly to blame for this addiction. "The Summer I Turned Pretty" series by Jenny Han, "The Sky Is Everywhere" by Jandy Nelson, The "Gallagher Girls" spy series by Ally Carter. CATHY CASSIDY. CATHY CASSIDY. I remember getting her book "Indigo Blue" for Christmas or my birthday in 2009. I never ever looked back. I've read every one of her books, some at least three times. She was my life. The stories she created were my life. Shout out to you Cathy Cassidy, (and mum I guess for getting the book). I feel to write a love letter to good teen-fiction books. Who wants to start the Nostalgia Book Club with me?

I could mention at least 20 more but these books all made me feel something. They set the base line for story-telling, using words to provoke feelings that I don't even have the vocabulary for. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for old teen-fic and YA novels. 

// Here are some fragments from things I have written recently. \\

(12 nov)
The moon is a perfect circle and the streets are well lit. I feel a sense of purpose beholding me. I am meant to be here on this mild winter night, pacing the Earth with my feet, heavy and light-footed against the gravel of life. 

I find it funny how distorted everything sounds when you're in the shower. I can spend hours home alone but as soon as I step in I can hear a doorbell ringing, people are shouting, a person awaits outside. The shower is a wordless place and it sounds like a whole world lingers on the other side, but it's just the frantic innocent thuds of water against my skin.

Anyway. It's 12pm now and the rest of the day awaits me. I've got quite a lot of reading to do but I'm actually feeling capable. I've been reading Trumpet by Jackie Kay, and it's reminded me how addictive reading a good novel is. I've managed to get back that feeling of wanting to escape with a book. It feels good. If I am going to write fiction, I want to write like Jackie Kay. I've officially found my aspired voice. I won't paste in excerpts from her books. Buy one of her collections of shorts (Reality, Reality is beautiful) or Trumpet, and you'll see. Maybe you have an author or writer who reflects the voice you want to embody! If so, who are they and why? Let me know your thoughts. Wow I'm really out here trying to orchestrate a book club. #Book Club 2k19. Here for it. 

Hope you enjoyed this fragmented post! ~peace out~ and see you in the next one! Zoe xo