Monday, 8 June 2015

what an anti-climax

I just finished my maths GCSE today.
No more maths for the rest of my life. I thought I'd be really ecstatic, that I'd feel this wholesome rush of excitement and euphoria, but I feel nothing. Literally since primary school, maths has been the shitty subject, the subject that I would just sail through weirdly. It was only until the middle of secondary school that I even thought of the possibility that I could actually exceed in the subject. It always seemed impossible but over the years it just got easier. I always knew what to expect. I managed to stay afloat in the boat of not being terrible at maths, but not being amazing at it either. And now I've come to the point where I don't have to learn it anymore. It's been this huge rush of expectations and aspirations and it all led up to this moment. And of course, I feel nothing. If anything I almost feel upset. I haven't been stressed out about it at all and because I'd been so focused on other stuff, I've erased any feeling of joy at the thought of finishing maths. I just want it to carry on. I want to simplify and expand equations and work out the area of a circle. It was actually fun. I'm not even joking, maths was so fun. Now I'm sitting in front of a computer screen writing about how neutral I am when I should be videoing myself crying with happiness on snapchat like I promised I would ages ago. What an anti-climax this has been.

I went around my house and took some pictures which were all looking sad and grey because that's how I felt. Enjoy. Or not.









2 comments:

  1. I thought I'd be ecstatic too but then came all the other life things to replace maths. Also part of me enjoyed it. Maths is fascinating and fun at times, but the absolute worst at others. I had a friend who nicknamed me "hypotenuse" for some reason, so that's a maths-related thing that always makes me smile.

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    1. omg, I agree completely. I regret taking so long to fall into the swing of it. I wish I just focused and work hard because who knows where I'd be now? I'd probably do something in the future with it if I was good at it and basically have my life sorted out. But no. That's cute ahah! The thing that is maths related which will always make me smile is just the memory of it being so difficult then that time when I finally got a B on a paper. :))) thanks for commenting Lil! x

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thanks for your comment, they never fail to make me smile + i appreciate them so much!