Saturday, 17 October 2015

I wish I wrote how I thought

I stumbled upon an old notebook I possessed during the ghastly year of 2014. It wasn't an actual diary - half of it is boring maths sums and over ambitious 'to do' lists. But there was this piece I wrote which started with "I really wish I could write how I thought." I think what I was trying to say is that I had a strong desire to write with all the key ingredients of a flowing and fluent piece of writing - without having to stop and think and constantly correct.  It is in no way profound or that well-written (it was 2014 to be fair) but I was obviously feeling a sense of discomfort and confusion in the way I expressed myself. It kinda makes me laugh, I don't know why. Maybe it's my present self mocking how dramatic and narrow-minded my past self was. Anyways, this is how it was written:

"I really wish I could write how I thought,
I wish that when I'm feeling strongly about something - whether it be
sadness, happiness, love; I can put the emotions down onto paper
and make it sound beautiful.
I'm even having trouble getting my
thoughts down now.
I can't write effortlessly about
something I'm passionate about
because the words don't come
easy. I end up correcting words
I have already written down, 
changing them to something
else to make it sound nicer,
more poetic. But what's the point
in that? I have all these thoughts
and beautiful words to put down
but they end up changing 
because they don't sound right,
when just a minute ago
they were all in my head, laid
out so perfectly, structured so 
neatly, like the lines of a spider's 
web. See that?! I had to think of
that simile, play it
it out in my head to make sure
it sounded pleasant and creative, 
but in my head my brain
came up with a metaphor 
effortlessly and gracefully. This
is why I wish I wrote how I 
thought."

6 comments:

  1. Very cool. I love journals, especially reading them after a few years to see how I was feeling/what I was thinking at that point in time - it's so interesting!

    xx Alyssa
    visionsofnyc.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks love! Yeah same, it's almost like reading the diary of someone else! It's interesting to see the person you can become when you're feeling something strongly. xxx

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  2. Always find half-written journals around the house, half the time going 'what was I thinking?!' at them :) Just found your blog and love how you write and your content on not only style but thoughts, feminism etc - had to follow you :)
    Feel free to check out our latest post x
    LOOK LOVE WEAR

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  3. Love this post! Absolutely love journals, so readying yours is pretty cool! I love the written piece as well! I actually thought about that once.. like writing without having to change a few words to make it sound beautiful. It should flow out just as is and not needing any changes.
    Jade xo

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    1. Thank you hun! And yeah I agree :( <3

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thanks for your comment, they never fail to make me smile + i appreciate them so much!