Saturday, 17 October 2015

I wish I wrote how I thought

I stumbled upon an old notebook I possessed during the ghastly year of 2014. It wasn't an actual diary - half of it is boring maths sums and over ambitious 'to do' lists. But there was this piece I wrote which started with "I really wish I could write how I thought." I think what I was trying to say is that I had a strong desire to write with all the key ingredients of a flowing and fluent piece of writing - without having to stop and think and constantly correct.  It is in no way profound or that well-written (it was 2014 to be fair) but I was obviously feeling a sense of discomfort and confusion in the way I expressed myself. It kinda makes me laugh, I don't know why. Maybe it's my present self mocking how dramatic and narrow-minded my past self was. Anyways, this is how it was written:

"I really wish I could write how I thought,
I wish that when I'm feeling strongly about something - whether it be
sadness, happiness, love; I can put the emotions down onto paper
and make it sound beautiful.
I'm even having trouble getting my
thoughts down now.
I can't write effortlessly about
something I'm passionate about
because the words don't come
easy. I end up correcting words
I have already written down, 
changing them to something
else to make it sound nicer,
more poetic. But what's the point
in that? I have all these thoughts
and beautiful words to put down
but they end up changing 
because they don't sound right,
when just a minute ago
they were all in my head, laid
out so perfectly, structured so 
neatly, like the lines of a spider's 
web. See that?! I had to think of
that simile, play it
it out in my head to make sure
it sounded pleasant and creative, 
but in my head my brain
came up with a metaphor 
effortlessly and gracefully. This
is why I wish I wrote how I 


  1. Very cool. I love journals, especially reading them after a few years to see how I was feeling/what I was thinking at that point in time - it's so interesting!

    xx Alyssa

    1. Thanks love! Yeah same, it's almost like reading the diary of someone else! It's interesting to see the person you can become when you're feeling something strongly. xxx

  2. Always find half-written journals around the house, half the time going 'what was I thinking?!' at them :) Just found your blog and love how you write and your content on not only style but thoughts, feminism etc - had to follow you :)
    Feel free to check out our latest post x

  3. Love this post! Absolutely love journals, so readying yours is pretty cool! I love the written piece as well! I actually thought about that once.. like writing without having to change a few words to make it sound beautiful. It should flow out just as is and not needing any changes.
    Jade xo

    1. Thank you hun! And yeah I agree :( <3


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