Saturday, 28 January 2017

eternal dénouement

I wrote a poem yesterday evening called 'the eternal dénouement'. I was inspired after reading Particulars by Rita Dove. It's such a beautiful poem! And it's part of a collection of poems I have called "Bittersweet, contemporary black women's poetry" by Karen McCarthy, and it's one of the favourite books I own. The pictures underneath the poem are photos I think portrayed the atmosphere and feelings quite well. (All found on Tumblr - if you know the artists, please say!) The pictures at the bottom are the original scanned pages of my journal. Sorry in advance for the shitty quality lol. 

the eternal dénouement (written by me)

sitting here with
mash and beans
is my aesthetic of
brown girl blues.
           Re-watching that old 
       cartoon in that same
      front room,
         as if to meld the past 
with the fluctuating present.

         old hues, post-past blues,
         I miss you, pretty baby;

existing in the midst of the timeless tick-tock,
your particles stuck to my brain,
and my soul
      reflecting your face in light of
      present-time fumes.
I have a sore throat, 
just like the others from
clouded over, this time frame is 
an image that updates old images of the 'before time.'

        old hues, post-past blues,
        I miss you, pretty baby;

transcending boundaries 
we can no longer
but touch with the organs deep inside
our medial temporal lobe,
reminding us of how changes in our world occur,
     haunting us 
     highlighting this eternal 

hope you liked this, and hope you're doing swell! happy saturday, 
~peace out~ and c u in the next post, Zoe xo

(omg omg omg, this is totally inaccurate because I've deleted loads of old posts, but this is, according to blogger, my 100th post. :'''''''''''''''''''') a moment!)

Thursday, 19 January 2017

bitterness hinders growth

*wipes dust off of this blog*

hello!! My first post of 2017! Yay??!! I hope everyone has had a peaceful rest and that 2017 is treating ya well. I don't know where these surges of nostalgia keep coming from, but I always have this desire to revisit the past. Is that even a good thing? But anyways, my first post of 2016 was quite strange. I was clearly feeling a weird and funny way, hence the title 'adrift in waters unknown'. But I can confirm that a whole entire year has made a difference and I no longer feel unsure in unknown territory. woop. 

In my previous post, I posted my vision board for 2017. One of the things I included in my vision was the phrase: 

This is something I want to work on throughout 2k17. Being 'bitter' comes in many forms for me: Being sarcastic, blunt, complaining about things that can easily be changed, being petty for no reason, holding unnecessary grudges, etc. 

Now don't get me wrong, if you're a human, then feelings and actions such as these are inevitable and can't be abstained from completely. Besides it's fun lol. Kidding. The thing about bitterness is that it's actually easier to dredge up; sometimes it takes guts to be gentle and kind. But it doesn't mean that small changes to your everyday behaviour can't make a difference. 

I mean, if you know me, then you will know that I can be sarcastic, I can complain a lot, and if I'm in a bad mood I can and will be blunt to someone. (really selling myself here innit.) But I'm just trying to be honest!! I feel like bitter feelings can cause a person to try and disguise and excuse the fact that they're being bitter; to make the bitter aftermath less, well, bitter. 

How can you change stuff like this? Smile more? Say yes to everything? Who knows? For me, the best way to win the battle with bitter emotions is to constantly imagine yourself in a situation and ask yourself whether you would want to be treated in that way. And to be able to take it when someone confronts you about your behaviour, because that can suck. But you gotta be able to take what you dish out, right?

I also feel like being petty makes me more stressed, stiff and hunched over. There are people I know that are so kind and friendly all the time, and they're just more poised and elegant and I can't help thinking that there is some kind of correlation. I don't know though - like I said, it's human to feel these things, we can't be perfect 24/7. It's important to listen to your emotions too. 

Lastly, growth. I want to grow and blossom and fill my life with sweetness, and too much bitterness stunts that. So here's to less bitterness and more growth. May 2017 the year we become, like Princess Nokia says, 'excellent bitches', not 'petty bitches'. Lol. The video she says this in is called 'How to be a Bitch 101' and it's bomb. And I'm so about reclaiming the word 'bitch' and using it as a form of empowerment, so give it a watch!

*    *    *

I'm thinking of maybe taking a couple of things from my vision board and dedicating posts to them to explain my ideas in more depth! Hope y'all enjoyed this, 
~peace out~, stay bitchin' (respectfully) and continue growing!  Zoe xo