Saturday, 29 April 2017

crushin' on u, (a playlist) (a feeling)

beats for the heart. Listen on my 8tracks here! I'm not crushing on anyone at the moment, (or am i??) but I have this crushing feeling and it's not going away. It's like I'm crushing on air. On life. On life's potential. Maybe summer? I'm crushing on all of the things I'm going to do, the people I'm going to meet, "what is to come." Maybe I'm in love with the feeling I know I'll get when I finish my last exam. That's actually such a turn on. I'm a stressed mess and I would never recommend A-levels to anyone btw!!! 

One of the artists you'll see on this playlist is Biig Piig. She's an upcoming, quite underground artist that I saw through people on Instagram, and I really like her sound. So soothing, jive-y and mellow. I really like her aesthetic as well. Here's a couple of screenshots from her video "crush'n" - which basically inspired this feeling and playlist. 

(all creds to her, find video here

I'm going to a really cool event tomorrow so there'll be a blog post coming soon, and I definitely want to get into doing random photography projects as the weather gets more beautiful! In the midst of all of the horrible and uncertain stuff going on in the world, I feel like I'm still sticking to things on my '2017 vision board' - like:

I have stepped out of my comfort zone a lot this year, all as a result of me saying 'yes' I suppose. I guess in a way it has made me a more confident, easily adaptable person. I would call myself an extrovert, but it takes a lot of self-motivation to get to that stage. I'm actually pretty shy. My lack of confidence in certain situations is one of my insecurities - but it always vanishes once I've given something a go and realised that it wasn't half as bad as I expected. It feels good to over come something like that, and I think everyone should aspire to come out of themselves sometimes! Try new things. It helps you to breathe more easily once it's over. Because when the next thing is thrown at you, you walk in there thinking you've done it before and can therefore do it again. 

hope you like the playlist!! Let me know which one you like best! (kali uchis is always a classic. I think she's been on every playlist i've ever made on this blog lmao) 
~peace out~ and c u next time lovelies! Zoe xo 

Sunday, 23 April 2017

this diary belongs to a regulation hottie

hi everyone. I was feeling pissed off an hour ago so the bitterness is slowly fizzling out as I type this. Hopefully by the end I'll feel euphoric again. ANYWAYS!

Yesterday I turned the bittersweet age of 18. 

I don't know what I feel but it's not really excitement. It's more fear if I'm honest. I'm trying not to think too much about the fact that from now on I am legally an adult. I feel like shutting my eyes and hibernating until the world isn't shit anymore and I can easily navigate my way to some kind of purpose in life. Wow that's dramatic - I'm tired and mildly hungover and sick of rubbish human beings. My day was great though. I ate 'till my hearts content, drank 'till I was happy and walking wobbly and danced 'till I engrained the floor with the manic indents of my buffalo boots.

The day before my birthday I decided to write 18 mini ramblings/streams of consciousness/letters to my 18 year-old-self. The purpose they serve I have no idea. Maybe I'll look back with fondness in the future. Here they are.
(I started writing this diary entry at 22:38)

letter one:

Hey you!
Think fast!
I just hit you with LIFE.
Quickly, pick it up!
Grab it with both hands, run!

letter two:

You're currently a seventeen-year-old on the eve of your birthday. You're tired as hell (not like you've been doing much), and you're excitedly stressed about your birthday party. You're hoping your period won't come tomorrow. That would be peak. 

letter  three

Being  18 sucks  and I'm not even 18 yet. 
I don't want to  have to pay for dental treatment? Wtf!

letter four 

You've come such a long way. The person you are today is unimaginable
to your past self, and you dreamed A LOT back in the day.

letter five 

Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
This time tomorrow you will be DRUNK.
I hope you don't suffer a bad hangover. Fingers-crossed. (UPDATE: I DIDN'T)

letter six 

Do dreamers ever wake up? 
Wouldn't that defeat the object? (what a weird phrase that is!) anyway.
It would be sad if dreamers woke up sometimes, but I just realised how melancholy it would be spend your whole life dreaming. 
Don't dream too much in your "adult" years Zoe. Sometimes you gotta wake up. (or is that too 'realist' and not 'optimistic' enough?)

letter seven 

The twenty-second of April, nineteen-ninty-nine. Nine-twenty-four AM. 
Purity. Birth.  
Hello world!  What mess am I gonna make out of this?

letter eight

Fuck, think I'm pushing it here with this '18 letters' thing. 
My imagination ran out after the first three.

letter nine

QUIZ TIME.  "7" Is  this the:
a) number of people you have made out with 
b) your favourite number minus three
c) the age  you found yourself 
d) the minimum number of shots you intend to take tomorrow

letter ten

Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
Don't do something stupid. 
Stay away from foreseen regret.
I trust you. 

letter eleven 

To be honest, may the odds actually be ever in your favour. (I'm not even a hunger games fan but I just had a *hits blunt* moment)

letter twelve

Be proud of yourself. 
You've done a shit load of stuff during your 'childhood' and 'adolescence.'
Been to some amazing places. Seen things of divinity, felt things of sublimity. 
On a serious note, you are very lucky.

letter thirteen 

Remember that time you had too many weed brownies and the devil tried to rip your heart out of your knee caps? Me too. But you're okay now right? lmao

letter fourteen

Four more to go. Let's see.
Sleeping is one of the most beautiful things we do. We just lie down on these platforms when we're tired, close our  eyes and create funny/sad/disturbing and frightful images in our heads until we open our eyes again. How cute! Make sure you get enough sleep during your 18th year. You've survived your whole life without bags under your eyes. Let's not start now yeah?

letter fifteen

Shit, my diary is running out of space. Look back on this with fondness. 
These are the ins and outs. The '411s'. The borings and the randoms. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.
Should you show this to your children? You'd probably have to have a talk with them first. 

letter sixteen

Was gonna get all serious then thought I better not. I'm tired and don't articulate well when I'm tired. I've been writing for twenty minutes. 

letter seventeen

Almost there. These are really just ramblings. 
Try not to ramble too much in your 18th year Zoe. Your life is at stake here.

letter eighteen

Fina-fucking-lly. I guess if I had to give you some words of wisdom, this would be it:
  1. Talk less, do more
  2. Stretch, close your eyes and breathe more
  3. Don't be afraid to cry (not that you ever are)
  4. Don't be afraid not to work when you know you're too tired 
  5. Never drink too much
  6. Be kind to yourself and confident about yourself. Be nice to others. 
  8. Care less
  9. Know when you need to relax and know when you need to WORK
  10. Get some sleep

so. I guess I have to just get on with it now? Ha! I don't feel grown up. I feel forced to grow and take responsibility, but my inner self is shyly slipping out of this adult skin, trying to get away. I hope everyone's doing well. Look at my musing for this month!! In this time we need to just push forward. Here's a lil mood board to show my recent moods/feelings. Kinda festive + funky, but something melancholy and introspective. I wonder if i've changed in a years time. here's me talking about being 17. Life is so weird. 

 Hope you enjoyed reading this! ~peace out~ and c u in the next post! (hopefully it won't be as long a wait as this one ://) Zoe xo
P.S the title of this post is taken from what's written over the front of my personal diary. obvs taken from Mean Girls. love that movie